Rituals Bind Families And Communities

The loss of cultural and family rituals can leave many of us adults and children alike without a compass and therefore lacking in direction. This is particularly true when someone special in the family dies or moves away as some rituals and their meanings maybe exclusive to particular members of the family. A family ritual maybe something as simple as a bed time story or a Sunday walk in the park with that special person. As such, Rituals Bind Families by constancy, ritual leaders, ritual group activitys, time, order and reliability. For instance, we wake at a certain time, eat at certain times, bath, go to work or school, watch favourite shows on TV, all at particular times and all in a certain manner. My brother has an early morning ritual, on waking he stumbles down stairs, makes himself a cup of coffee, takes it outside and watches the sunrise whilst he enjoys his first cigarette of the day. I never said that all rituals are good! This action or actions make him feel ready for the new day. And no doubt some day his children, his gang, will remember him for this when they have left home and are perhaps a bit homesick.

Birthdays are celebrated in ritualistic fashion which changes according to the age of the person whose birthday it is. Thirteen is an age that is celebrated as the age upon which the child gains entrance into the exclusive club of the teenager. An age at which he/she begins to choose indivdual likes and dislikes in fashion, music, sport and specific subjects in school. Sixteen is an age clebrated by poets and musicians alike as an age of blossoming womenhood for girls and a time of experimentation with their newly discovered powers, using wiles and flirtation. Eighteen has become an age set by governmental bodies as an age at which young adults may consume alcohol and drive. Twenty one used to be the age at which young adults were given the key to the front door, symbolising their right to come and go as a respected adult. These days it seems that some of these rituals have been kicked into touch, even though they still have a place and a role to play for the evolving adult. Birthday rituals mark the time to be a baby, young child, young adult, evolving adult and adult. Lack of respect for these rituals and rites of passage has led us to children having children, choices that are life changing, being made at the wrong age. It has become so, due to the uncertainty and indecisive, vacillating adults who should be keeping the rituals in place for the protection of stumbling, impatient, ignorant adolescents and children who have yet to learn the way of the world. Adults need to remember that positive and defining Rituals Bind Families and communities.

Rituals Bind Families so use them for this purpose. Give your children the joy, the pleasure of feeling safe and some continuity, through your own special rituals. As long as there is continuity in an act, there is ritual. Putting a little one to bed in a certain manner, like tucking them in gently whilst softly telling them that you will be there to play with when they wake, or singing them a special song every time you put them to bed creates a bed time ritual that gives comfort and safety through repetition. Bathing the same time every day can be become a ritual made pleasant by stirring in some bubble bath and adding a few bath toys. Getting everyone at the table for dinner at a certain time every evening creates a positive dining ritual. Embed the ritual by asking each person how their day was and really listen. Talking about the day will become a subconscious ritual for dinner time and soon the family will share their day without thinking about it and all of the family gang will benefit by knowing what is going on in the lives of the family as a whole. knowing means the possibility of being able to help at crucial times. My mom created a ritual that I think she may have regretted had she realised that she herself had created it! The only time we as children were able to corner her for chat time was when she took her evening bath. This was made possible by her leaving the door open so she could hear the smaller kids and my dad. At any one time she had a minnimum of two kids sitting at the side of the bath chatting to her, sometimes three and my Dad, when he could get a word in edgeways! I am not sure how much she enjoyed her bath but it has its own place in my 'mind book' of favourites! Rituals Bind Families no matter how small or insignificant they appear to be.

My mother also created her very own leaving ritual! I do believe she did this subconsciously through fear of leaving her children. Whenever she and my father went out to the cinema or dinner, it took my father about fifteen minutes to back out of our short drive, as each foot gained was interspersed with last minute instructions about the phone, the keys, 'check the back door' bottles, milk, bed time and then back to the beginning again in a loop.

Rituals Bind Families so create a family day as a once a week ritual. Once a month is no good to anyone, kids need to spend a good amount of time with their parents if they are to stay bonded. Just because your child knows his/her way home does not mean you are all bonded. A child ritual of falling through the door sometime over the week-end is not positive in any kind of language. So begin with positive rituals early in your childs life. A ritual family day can be multi-layered. As long as the whole family spends a whole day together over the week, every week it will become a ritual. It need not be the same activity over and over again. It could be fishing on some week-ends which may include a barbeque or a picnic. Going for a drive around places that none of the family have been before can be interesting and stopping for a picnic or a lunch somewhere different may even be educational as well as enjoyable. Make Sunday lunch a ritual by cooking something special then play a family game afterward. As always, the younger your gang members are when you start these rituals the more easily they become embedded and form firm bonds. Kids love playing with their parents and will often want to carry on long after mom and dad have had enough, so vary the games that you play even when they are still quite young like five and six years of age.

Manners involve rituals which can help your kids reach the top in their chosen vocations. Don't let anyone fool you that manners are defunct. Have a look at who the Manager of the company is, then look at the Directors and CEO's, how do they greet people? Have a look at popular people and how they greet others. Nine times out of ten these people put a lot into their initial greetings. They all tend to have ritual greetings, some smile and hold out their hand to greet and most will say greetings according to the time of day but all of them will greet by looking at the person they are greeting and welcome them with a handshake, a short bow or an air kiss if continental!. These greetings serve a very important purpose and that is to make the person they are greeting feel welcome, important or honoured as is appropriate. This is an important social skill that is easy to instill simply by greeting your child every morning and when they come home from creche or school. Make sure that they greet you back by whatever criteria you want your ritual to have. Teach them to greet guests in your house and at friends houses. It will soon become second nature and a good ritual will have been developed.

Rituals Bind Families and Communities.

As is obvious good Rituals Bind Families, protect, award, celebrate, and honour our family members and communities. They are simple to instill by continuity and repetition. Just be aware that bad rituals are created in the same manner. Alowing a child to wear you down through continuous whining will eventually become a ritual between you and your child. Do this at your own peril!!

Make sure that good Rituals Bind Families in particular, your own special gang.

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