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Always Bad Guy Does The DiscipliningAlways Bad Guy is about those parents who find themselves in the position of always being the bad guy in their own gang at home. This particular phenomenon usually lies at the feet of men which has been or is being placed there by their wives or partners who don't want to be at the front end of any confrontation with their kids. Less usually the mom finds herself as the main disciplinarian. Regardless of which member of the family HAS to be, Always Bad Guy, it is unfair on many levels. Firstly and obviously it is unfair to the member who is always left to discipline and lay the boundaries for their off spring. They often find themselves having to punish a child for a bad deed committed whilst they were at work or out at the time. Having to summon indignation on the point of entry into the home can be very confounding to say the least, taking into consideration having to berate the little adoring face looking up at daddy/mommy! I have to say from the position of having been one of those children that had to wait until my dad got home for punishment, that I resented my mother for doing this. Not only did I and my brothers have to endure an anxious wait for our punishment to be dished out by a bewildered father, but we also had to wait for his return in our bedrooms. So if the crime was committed at ten in the morning we had to wait until 5.30 for his return. Frankly from my point of view, my mother should have taken the reigns and sorted it out for herself. My respect would have remained intact and thereby uncompromised. Coming from an era where smacking was still the fastest way to deliver the message of right and wrong, I know that being smacked immediately after the wrong doing would have been far preferable, and would still have conveyed her missive! Always Bad guy allows the other half to shift responsibility and selfishly glory in the perception of the children loving them more! This is a misconception because kids trust those who are
upfront with their agenda, whether it is a simple NO! to a request, or showing justified anger as well as all the appropriate actions for appropriate incidents. Parents who deal with all the things that kids throw at them in a consistent manner, are always going to get more respect than those who feel they want to be friends today and then squeal on them to, chosen 'Always Bad Guy later'.
There is another problem that arises every so often for those parents who prefer not to do the punishing themselves, and that is the release of pent up anger. This often manifests itself in the loss of control by that parent and often results in hidings, and beatings that are totally inappropriate and could be considered to be abusive. Dealing with a problem immediately lessens the possibility of inappropriate actions or a type of discipline that does not fit the crime Another phenomenon with the whole Always Bad Guy thing, is the amount of threatening that the percieved Good Guy does as apposed to any actions taken! Threats tend to become white noise after a while, as does repetitive shouting. Kids are far more receptive to immediate actions taken to terminate bad behaviour or dangerous behaviour, like running into the road, throwing stones at people, biting, teasing dogs etc. Children who are raised under the illusion of an Always Bad Guy soon learn to manipulate the concept to their own benefit. Quite often under these circumstances the Always Bad Guy feels guilty and will agree to some request by the child that the other partner has already denied them. The end result is confusion, arguments and often some misplaced anger and resentment. In order to avoid this, parents should take equal responsibility for the raising of their gang and not expect to get all the glory at the tail end of their childrens growing up period. More often than not the kids will have seen through all the contrived acts of sympathy from the always good guy parent and the lions share of their trust will go to the parent that has not indulged in his/her own hidden agendas. For those parents who find themselves to be ineffective disciplinarians there are as I have mentioned before many different ways of getting an important message through to children these days and Cognitive behaviour tactics have had success for quite a lot of people and children alike. There are more and more books being written on this subject and I have added in some of my chosen books on this subject. There is more than one way to refine behaviour from kids and teens, adults too!! Changing the way you think and the way your thinking affects your child can bring harmony to you and the rest of your gang.
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