Teen Mom n Dad Making It Work
Teen Mom n Dad is a reality. I am not going to bang on about the rights and wrongs of it here. What's done is done and having a baby should be no less exciting for teen parents than it isfor older and possibly more informed parents. There are plenty of teens who make really good mothers and fathers. Of course knowing what to expect helps a lot. Having options about parenting also helps as does having supportive parents of their own. ..................................................................................................................................So what are the options for Teen Mom n Dad? The first and most obvious one is whether or not to keep the baby. This is a tough decision to make but I believe if the baby and it's chancesin life are considered first and foremost then it becomes easier to decide on guardianship. In the end that is what we are, young and old parents alike, guardians of precious lives. Weigh theodds carefully. Having a baby when young doesn't necessarily mean that you will make bad parents. It is how you regard the child that makes a big difference. There are no real right and wrong thoughts in the early stages of awareness, meaning becoming aware that you are pregnant. If it is unexpected, it is very common to go into shock mode! So let all the OMG's and all the other panic words have free reign for a bit and when it sinks in, sit down or go for a walk, whatever makes you calm and think about the long term effects on you the mother, the father and certainly not least the baby. People wise, these three are the most important when it comes to decision time, not your parents, other family or friends. It is nice to have them all on board for whatever decison you Teen Mom n Dad make, but it is not the end of the world if they are not. (Do consider good and loving advice)As long as the life of the child is considered very carefully, E.G. paying for it, food, clothing, heating, a roof over it's head, going for parenting classes, not drinking and going out whenever the mood takes you, being available every three to four hours for a minimum of three months, staying calm when baby cries, (they do this quite a lot) due to damp or pooey nappy, wind or colic, having a fever etc. Also being aware that this little person is going to be reliant in varying degrees on you, Teen Mom n Dad for as long as you are both alive. I knowfrom personal experience that we never stop needing our parents no matter how old we get! Even if it is just to have a chat to someone we know loves us. This little thing is going to look up to you Teen Mom n Dad, with love and awe and you are both going to be the biggest influence in this childs life. That means very careful adult consideration! No time for childish tantrums of your own anymore those days are over and were over the minute any of us decide to have sex without contraception.
Teen Mom n Dad A Serious Consideration!
Teen Mom n Dad please take some time considering the above and how a child is going to impact upon your lives and consider what it is that you both can bring to this childs life. First off, keeping a baby means time for tantrums and acting out for you are over!! Serious partying and drinking, ditto, they too are over! (This does not mean that parents can never party again but they cannot do this in the early months of their childs life and certainly not to the extent where they are no longer aware that they actually have a baby!). This baby of yours is going to depend on sober parenting so he/she gets fed on time, bathed and changed on time and is given the patience it takes to feed a tiny mouth and tummy that can only take in so much food before needing to be winded. Lying in wet nappies, no matter how much the manufacturer tells us it can hold, is still smelly and uncomfortable. Tired, half-cut Teen Mom n Dad are likely to make many mistakes, some of which can be potentially dangerous to babies and toddlers. They are also less likely to hold back irritation, and that is very important. Remember once you have committed to keeping a baby and becoming Teen Mom n Dad, you are also committing a good portion of your lives and to upholding a whole lot of ethics and principals that are not only for the safety and care of the child, but are also part and parcel of our laws.If you mean to pack the child off onto parents or friends in order to enjoy a single life then consider that we have many choices these days and all of them are helpful in putting new life first. These choices can be private and are ultimately the prospective parents choice to make. The very first choice should be that we do not bring children into the world that are not wanted. There are orphanages full of unwanted children, and sadly many of these children are already mentally and physically scarred. Teen Mom n Dad, we do not have to add to this burden!!!
We should all ask ourselves if we can put aside our wants and needs for the sake of the child and if some of these wants and needs are actually important to the raising of children, i.e. our continued education, not being able to keep the father on board. If we know deep in our hearts that we are unable to put our needs aside, or that they will ultimately be detrimental to the child then we need, (without shame or embarassment, it takes a strong person to make powerful decisions.) to consider thebest option for the child.
To those taking drugs I recommend they take their sorry arses off to the clinic and get the injection or an implant. That way, you who do this for whatever reason, can fly in la la land with the monsters and the goons to your hearts content!
Teen Mom n Dad & Other Important Relationships
Aside from the physical stuff you may also find that some of your friends may distance themselves as it all becomes a bit much or strange for them. Others may stick around and those are the ones that you should care about. Single pregnant ladies should not believe that being pregnant makes them unatractive to males as this is not always true. Just dont strike up any serious relationships straight after or during the pregnancy. Remember where moving too fast got you?? All compliments are welcome though, so take them and enjoy. Girls who want to strike up a relationship with a teen dad who has split, should think again, if he's done it once it is quite likely he won't think twice about doing it again and maybe this time it will be closer to home! NB don't have unprotected sex ever, unless everything has been planned and there is a stable home, money to fund the baby and a stable relationship between both parents.
Although teen Mom n dad can expect major changes to their lives after the baby is born, not everything has to change during the pregnancy. As long at the pregnancy is healthy, going to the odd party and having a good time dancing and chatting with friends is probably better for both parents, from a healthy mental perspective than shutting the door on all old relationships. Dont be afraid of making new friends and relationships during the pregnancy, you never know who you will meet and how people you dont yet know may help in the future. The good news is for most pregnant women in a relationship, sex actually gets better during pregnancy! So Guys benefit too!
It should go without saying that smoking and drinking at parties or at home are really the two big no, no's. Drug addicts should just not be in the business of producing babies!
Ok Teen Mom n Dad, (or even just teen mom) so you've considered the options and have decided to keep your baby! So what to expect now then? Aside from getting rather large and having heart-burn or morning sickness or maybe even both mom to be, you can also expect to pee a lot as the baby grows and presses down on your bladder. Our boobs are usually the first sign of pregnancy. They become very tender to the touch and hard. (Being very small I was very impressed with my growing bust!! Hated the fact that I could not see my toes and general under-carriage but loved the boobs!). Urinating is probably one of the things that irritated me most during my pregnancies. As baby grows and pushes down on the bladder the ability to hold onto a wee becomes virtually impossible so midnight dashes for the loo increase exponentially along with the growth of the baby. Moods may change somewhat, everybody is different. I found that I got very protective and quite agressive toward those who challenged or threatened me in any way. Cravings also vary, although vinegary things do seem to top the list for a lot of moms-to-be, but be prepared for anything. Some women who have found themselves craving earth, also found out later that they were lacking in iron, so don't just take it all for granted. If the cravings are as strange as this, check it out with your doctor! If stretch marks are concerning you, just remember that they will fade in time and that keeping your skin well moisturised does help. I used a lot of vitamin e on my skin as well as nice greasy body creams. The drier the skin the more it needs to be moisturised. So at least twice a day and more often if possible. P.S. even good old vaseline will help so don't despair if you can't afford all the latest and greatest creams.
Teen dads can keep mom sweet with foot massages and by providing ginger biscuits for morning sickness or preparing snacks for her that she can nibble at during the day if she is working. Remembering to never refer to her weight and telling her how beautiful she is regularly during her pregnancy will earn him major brownie points and who knows what else!!
Teen Mom n Dad Get Excited
Having decided to keep the baby Teen Mom n Dad should get EXCITED! This is possibly one of The most exciting things you will ever get to do in your lives! You have the opportunity to bring a young babe into the world of your very own. Remember 50% Mom and 50% Dad. You can make this a very positive experience for yourselves and the new baby! The world is literally wide open for exploration for your new gang. There has never been so much information available to young parents as there is today. Read up on babies, go to birthing classes or do your own with your man at home together! There are clinics eager to help, libraries full of books that give all kinds of advice. Find a child caring style that you feel suits you, baby, and your babies father the best. (Even if you find that later along the line it does not work for you, don't be afraid to change styles. Just not too often or all the time as that could end up being very confusing for all. It is best to find a style you like in the first few weeks that works for all of you and stick to it).
If anything can get Teen mom n dad excited it is the first baby scan usually taken at 10-12 weeks. I am very excited to share with you a scan of triplets below that are filling me with boundless excitement. The scan shows three perfect little sacs with what looks like little worms, but believe me they are babies on mommy's vine growing at an astonishing rate!
Teen Mom n Dad & Sleepless Nights!
One advantage that Teen Mom n Dad have is that they are more able to cope with the sleepless nights when baby arrives than older moms an dads. Yup don't try and fool a teen mom! There is no time in our lives when we are more capable of burning the candle at both ends than in our mid teens and early twenties! I am not saying that getting a good nights sleep won't be top of the agenda for Teen Mom n Dad but I know for a fact that at this age we are more likely to be petulant about not getting sleep than in actual dire need of it, especially guys! (So guys don't go making babies if sleep is important to you) I did not have the luxury of taking a break after my children were born and with both of them I was back at work after a three week period of recovery and adjustment for my first, and a two week break after my second babe. No I wasn't super-mom and yes I did put salt in my coffee and wonder why the plug stubbornly refused to plug into the milk bottle! I also know that the first smile belted me like a kick-start punch to the heart! Every sleepless night was wiped from memory. Ok so maybe I AM the wrong person to be talking to! In general babies start to sleep a bit longer from around 3-3 1/2 months when you can expect that waking times will be reduced down to 2-3 times a night. My biggest advantage in the first three months was in knowing what to expect. so I took to walking zombie like in my stride, knowing that it would not last forever. No matter how tired I was, a little body whipped into a winter bed at five in the am, (in the wishful hopes that my warmth would quiet the little soul for another hour) never failed to make me laugh when after a minute or two, little pudgy fingers would dig and prize my eyes open to a delighted baby face and a huge smile, nose to nose in mine!
Teen Mom n Dad and Crying Babies
One of the major fears it seems that most parents have and not just Teen Mom n Dad is crying babies! This really is a fear that is disproportionate to the reality of real crying and why babies cry. New borns cry or 'make noise' from a perspective of self interest. In other words it is a primal requirement for self preservation. Anybody who has ever had a dog with puppies may have noticed that a pup that does not cry will eventually get pushed out of the litter and the mother will slowly lose interest in favour of the more stronger and healthier pups. We have to presume that many moons ago humans too would favour a strong healthy child and a child that could make it's parents aware of it's hunger and it's comfort would stand a better chance of surviving. A baby that is cold and left that way will soon sicken and possibly die as would a child not receiving enough food to sustain it. New born's mostly cry for these very reasons which in a way makes it simple for new parents to take care of them. There are 4 main reasons babies cry that are easy to check off and they are; Hunger, cold, heat, wet/pooey nappy/clothes. Always note the last time baby was fed and how much formula was taken in or for how long baby sucked productively during the feed. (Teen Mom n Dad should always check with the clinic for recommended feeding times and tips). Then check the nappy, how warm baby is or cold his/her skin is. Flushed face normally means baby is a bit over-heated. More complex reasons for crying is when baby is sick or in pain. A flushed face that does not go away even when baby has stopped crying and has been made a bit cooler suggests that he/she maybe running a bit of temperature. These days it is easy to get a good thermometer so for peace of mind find out how to use one and keep it handy. Other reasons for continued crying is wind. Always make sure that you wind or burp your baby during and after feeding especially in the first three months. Babies are not strong enough or developed enough to get these normal feeding winds out by themselves. Gentle patting on the back over your shoulder or over your knees helps get them up. Too much rocking or heavy bouncing will only make the little one burp up more food than wind. If normal winding does not help and baby is continually uncomfortable from wind (normally noticeable by a blue tinge around the lips) then see your doctor or clinic as he/she may have 3 month colic in which case there are medications and other methods that can help.
P.S. Never leave very young babies crying for more than a minute or two as they will become very distressed, not yet having made any sense of the world! When baby's eyes start to focus they will start to pick you up in their field of vision and follow your movements. This is when they are starting to make sense of you and the small environment around themselves. At this stage they will also start trying to turn their heads to the sound of your voices.
The other fear that a lot of parents have, (Not just Teen Mom n Dad!) is in waking the baby up once he/she has been finally laid down and got to sleep. Try to remember that your child already has an idea of normal sounds around the house from when he/shewas in the womb. yes it is quite a few decibels louder than on the inside but it wasn't altogether like a morgue inside the womb either. Babies have a general gist of voices and music and household noises. So dont tip toe around, any noises they dont quite know will soon become everyday stuff to them. (I made a habit of talking to my babes whilst they were still in the womb as well as patting them. In fact this was the only way I get my daughter to shift off of a nerve she had a habit of pressing down on that literally made my leg go lame mid-stride! The impromptu crumpling in the middle of a mall had a tendency to make a lot of people nervous!) I also sang to them! You gotta keep your sense of humour when you're Teen Mom n Dad!!)
Teen Mom n Dad should avoid shouting and arguing. Babies get that general sense of things being wrong pretty quickly even before the shouting starts and that is more likely to upset them, than doors closing and people laughing and talking normally. Always talk softly to your little one when you put him/her down. Say things like 'sleep well little one' whilst gently tucking the blankets around them. They soon learn to associate being put down with love and safety. Do this every time even when it takes a couple of times to get him off to sleep but don't be tempted to keep lifting them out of the cot or this will become a ritual that is going to be very hard to break. Also don't get cross and yell, it takes time to get used to having this routine of feeding, changing, bathing and being put down. The calmer Teen Mom n Dad are, the faster this will all fall into place. Calm by the way does not mean spoil. Being calm has the advantage of allowing Teen Mom n Dad to notice when baby gets into her own natural ryhthm of feeding, sleeping and waking, which should establish itself by around the six week mark. Obviously each of these patterns is subject to the baby's individuality and will become longer as baby grows week by week!
Teen Mom n Dad will work well if both parents work as a team and GOMAD! Yup, start to enjoy your beginnings of your own 'gang' of mom and dad! Teen dads need not feel useless even if momdecides to breast feed, dad can still organise the nappy changes and dry vests etc. (Babies get wet very quickly fromburping up bits of milk) Dad can also help to wind the little one. Sometimes Dads get this knack like second nature. My Teen Dad/husband loved bathing his child and even gently changed the bandage on his circumcision. (not something that is over popular these days thank goodness!) He often laid him with his head in the dent in his shoulder whilst he was reading. It was the best sight next to my children that I was ever blessed to see, and even now so many years later I can still see them both as clear as day. These things sound small but they are the same things that will get Teen Mom n Dad through the rough seas and into the calm waters.
Facts for Teen Mom n Dad:
It is very important for the baby that mom keeps herself healthy during her pregnancy and goes for all her regular check-ups.
1) By three weeks brain cells are beginning to form at the tip of the embryo.
2) Brain development of the foetus is nearly complete at around 6 months inside the womb.
3) The last three months of gestation are crucial in neural brain conectivity. Messages are flying back and forth between neurons. There is a virtual switchboard and wiring process going on in the brain between neurone's that assist all functionality. It is at this time that baby starts hearing your voices and music. Babies love music! Be a bit picky though, remember this is a new soul!
4) Fingerprints start to develop from the moment the babies hands touch the uterus and develop ridges according to how the baby is situated and movements. Identical twins who share identical DNA therefore do not have identical fingerprints. 5) Babies share 50% of moms DNA and 50% of Dads a mix of 46 chromosomes, 23 of moms' and 23 of dads'!
6) Average birth weight for single babies is 3.5KG as according to Multiplebirths.org.uk. See link below for weight chart.
7) Low birth weight babies need to be fed more often than the average 2-3hrs in the first 6 weeks.
8) Ultrasounds are fairly accurate in determining the sex of babies based on the skill of the ultrasonographer, the quality of the machine used, as well as the position of the baby at the time of the scan.
Whatever choice Teen Mom n Dad make I wish you love, happiness and good choices for your gang. GOMAD & have fun! Get Excited!
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