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Shaking Babies.Shaking babies horrifies us justifiably so. But why do some mothers and fathers shake their young babes. We tend to think that all these parents are monsters with no compassion or feelings for their young. Possibly we see them as worse than aninmals and in some cases this definitley seems to be the case. There are however two main causes for Shaking Babies. The first and most obvious one is a parent that has lost control and has no resources left with which to cope. Although the perception is that it is only very young parents who do this, it is in fact a parent of any age who suddenly loses control. Males tend to be the main perpetrators but not in all cases. Most babies who have been shaken tend to be between the ages of 3-8months old! The fact that people even get to Shaking Babies is the clue as to why this happens, babies cry and comforting rocking can escalate into shaking! Most parents can empathise with another parent who is trying helplessly to stop her or his child from crying. The problem arises when the parent starts to panic. Babies can feel this through the parents or guardians jerky stiff movements, rocking that mathces a rapid heartbeat. They know this rapid heartbeat from being inside the womb when mom got upset. It makes no difference that the child is now outside the womb all the tell tale signs are there and a child being held tightly will more than likely hear it too. Of course the crying gets worse if the parent starts to yell and the situation is escalated into a code red. Highly Dangerous! Most parents who have ever shaken a baby feel terrible about it and very guilty and probably, much less of a person. This is no excuse of course but by giving new parents better skills and resources, we can probably stop a lot more Babies being Shaken, even once. The second most common cause of parents and guardians Shaking Babies to shut them up, is drug use and heavy alcohol consumption. Parents under the influence of either do not make good choices and have less patience with a crying baby. They are more likely to lose control early in the situation and reach a code red state of frustration and irritation. They are also less likely to think rationally. My personal view to this is, honestly, don't mix drugs and alcohol with having babies. When you're drinking your next pill or vacuuming a line up your nose, swallow a contraceptive too, or go have the snip!
Being well prepared means having not just the exotic things at hand like thermometers and baby syrups for painful gums etc, it means having food in the house and enough of it always! Mothers who are not breast feeding should never run out of formula or cereals etc. I had a really bad red mist moment when my mother went out leaving me with a three month old younger brother, actually the last of my young brothers. I was sixteen and had handled babies properly from around nine years of age.
I knew just about everything there was to know about babies but I had never handled a baby that I could not stop crying. This was such a time and it occurred over the lack of the simplest element in keeping a child happy and satisfied. A lack of food! When my mom left I asked her where the formula was and she left with a flippant dont worry I'll be back before he needs feeding!! She wasn't and I could not find the formula. I did everything humanly possible to quiet a hungry child, I also prayed lots and cursed my mother in between praying for her to come home. An hour later I was in a panic, my baby brother was in a state, his little face was almost purple, not helped by my frantic rocking and shushing! I almost did the unthinkable, almost! Fortunately for me and him, I released the blood pressure held in my hands my hands and put him down on the bed and walked away. I controlled myself through logic. He was a tiny baby and very hungry. He is here today in fine fettle with a gang of his own! And I am so lucky that I do not have to carry the guilt that could have been around with me either. Shaking Babies, and abusing babies was already for me abhorant! This little incident however, made me very aware of how easy it is to start losing control and how some parents who have little knowledge and no resources could end up doing something that could have potentially devastating effects on their lives and the life of their child.
Many young parents today have never handled babies or children and therefore cannot know what to expect from them. Boys are even less likely to handle young babies because like it or not we still, in the Western World, expect the mother/females to do most of the handling and caring of young babes. It is no wonder then that the majority of the perpetrators of Shaking Babies are male. There is also the problem of the abused causing abuse as some formerly abused children become parents themselves and have never grasped the concept of love and empathy. Of course not all formerly abused children become abusive parents and not all abusive parents were abused, which begs the question why do others? There is no simple answer to this other than to say that we are all individuals and some of us maybe more or less sensitive than others. Never the less there is still no room or good enough excuse for Shaking Babies and causing the massive amount of physical injuries associated with Shaken baby syndrome. These include swelling of the brain, bleeding in the brain, brain tissue damage and bruising of the brain. All of which are potentially fatal. Survivors may suffer all sorts of problems caused by injury to the brain such as hearing, speech, memory and attention deficit to name but a few.
This is reason enough to make todays parents aware that they have to deliver their children, boys and girls, to the world as fully functioning, resourceful, educated, sympathetic, caring young adults. As fully kitted with experience of housework, cooking, caring for others and children, play and work, as we possibly can. All that takes a lot of dedication, hard work, tough love and gentle empathetic love. Dont forget, loads of fun too!! To prevent Shaking Babies all parents should be given an insight into what it takes to be a parent of any age for the first time. Single parents should look for backup wherever they can and take to doing some form of exercise before the baby arrives that gives them the rescources to stay calm and level headed. Never go out without all the seemingly enormous piles of paraphanalia that it takes to keep baby comfortable, warm and fed. What may seem like a load of 'crap' at the time could be the life saver, even if it is just your nerves! Don't ever leave your baby with anyone that is not capable of looking after your child and never leave them without all the aforementioned paraphanalia especially not without food and your phone number. Always check in if you are gone for more than an hour. Always remember that babies do not cry for no good reason even if that reason is you, holding too tight or rocking too hard. If you need to take a breath, put the baby safely in the cot and walk away for five minutes and take 9 deep breaths in, and 9 long breaths out, x 9 times,(Barefoot Doctor relaxation technique)and then go check again for good reasons as to why baby is crying. If possible call someone with a good head on their shoulders for advice or help. There is never a good reason for Shaking Babies. If your child wont stop crying and there is nothing that you can find that is obviously wrong then take the baby to the doctor! Shaking babies for just five seconds can do an awful lot of damage!! Young babies have no developed muscle structure in their necks to hold their little heads steady against such a force. Most parents have some family members who love to help out and have experience to pass on, whether it is their mothers or fathers even gran, grandad or aunts, uncles and cousins. Use their knowledge but don't abuse their goodwill or you might find yourself outside the circle and it is always best to have the resource of the whole famdamily gang! Praises to my wonderful mother-in-law, wise, kind and never judgemental!
P.S. Gentle rocking on the knee does not constitute Shaking Babies, but always cup the back of the neck in your hand.
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Parents who are well prepared are less likely to have a situation that leaves them in a state with a non-stop crying baby. Babies rarely cry for nothing more than a bit of attention. Either they are hungry, wet, hot, cold, have wind/colic or are teething, the last at around 6 months for some.(This is also very noticeable as they drool constantly and chew on anything and everything) In rare instances the baby maybe ill. Sick children can go from being very irritable and crying to being very listless. Keep a good thermometer in the house but
first learn how to use it from a reliable source like the clinic. This at least can eliminate or confirm illness. Formula and formula changes can cause problems like constipation and realise lactose intolerance. (Lactose intolerance can cause severe upset stomach and other symptoms)Always check with your doctor.
