Shaking Babies.

The first and most obvious one is a normal parent that has simply lost control and has no resources left with which to cope. Although the general perception is, that it is only very young parents who do this, it is in fact a parent of any age who suddenly loses control of the situation, themselves and all normal thought processes. Males often are the main perpetrators, particularly when the child is not their own, (and for a variety of other reasons) but not in all cases. And most babies who have been shaken tend to be between the ages of 3-8months old!

The fact that people are even driven to Shaking Babies, driven being the operative word here, is the clue as to why this happens. Babies do a lot of crying seeing as how this is their only form of communication about how they ae feeling. Rocking a baby that will not stop crying can escalate into shaking once the parent or caregiver begins to realise that they are losing control over the situation! Most parents can empathise with another parent who is trying helplessly to stop her or his child from crying. The problem is amplified when the parent starts to panic. Babies can feel this through the parents or guardians jerky stiff movements and rocking that beats to the same drum as the parents rapid heartbeat. They know this rapid heartbeat from being inside the womb when mom got upset. It makes no difference that the child is now outside the womb. All the tell tale signs are there and a child being held too tightly hears it and feels it too. Crying decibals are increased if the parent starts to yell/cry, and the situation is escalated into a code red. Highly Dangerous!

Most parents who have ever shaken a baby feel terrible about it and very guilty, and probably, much less of a person, let alone a parent. This is no excuse of course, but by giving new parents better skills and resources, we can probably stop a lot more Babies being Shaken, even once.

The second most common cause of parents and guardians Shaking Babies to shut them up, is drug use and heavy alcohol consumption. Parents under the influence of either do not make good choices. Nor are they able to reason very well or think ligically. They are less likely to have the patience it takes to comfort a crying baby. And are more likely to lose control early in the situation and reach a code red state of frustration and irritation. My personal view to this is, honestly, don't mix drugs and alcohol with having babies. When you're drinking your next pill or vacuuming a line up your nose, swallow a contraceptive too, or go have the snip!

Knowing why babies sometimes cry non stop is half-way to pre-empting a Shaking Baby situation. And parents who are well prepared, are less likely to have a situation that leaves them in a state with a non-stop crying baby. Very young babies rarely cry for nothing more than a bit of attention. Either they are hungry, wet, too hot, too cold, have wind/colic or are teething, the last at around 6 months for some.(This is also very noticeable as they drool constantly and chew on anything and everything. also teething hardly ever occurs alone. Most parents can tell you that when their babies are teething they also run temperatures, get colds and or stomach upsets at the same time!!) In rare instances the baby maybe very ill. (This is something to be aware of.) Sick children can go from being very irritable and crying to being very listless and floppy. Keep a good thermometer in the house but first learn how to use it from a reliable source like the clinic. This at least can eliminate or confirm illness. Aside from these things, Formula and formula changes can cause problems like constipation and realise lactose intolerance. (Lactose intolerance can cause severe upset stomach and other symptoms)Always check with your doctor.

Being well prepared means having not just the exotic things at hand like thermometers and baby syrups for painful gums etc, it means having food in the house and enough of it always! Mothers who are not breast feeding should never run out of formula or cereals etc. I personally, had a really bad red mist moment when my mother went out leaving me with a three month old younger brother, actually the last of my young brothers. I was sixteen and had handled babies properly from around nine years of age. I knew just about everything there was to know about babies but I had never handled a baby that I could not stop crying. This was such a time and it occurred over the lack of the simplest element in keeping a child happy and satisfied. A lack of food! When my mom left I asked her where the formula was and she left with a flippant "dont worry I'll be back before he needs feeding"!! She wasn't and I could not find the formula. I did everything humanly possible to quiet a hungry child, I also prayed lots and cursed my mother lots, in between praying for her to come home. An hour later I was in a flat spin panic, my baby brother was in a state, his little face was almost purple, not helped by my frantic rocking and shushing! I almost did the unthinkable, almost! Fortunately for him and me, I released the blood pressure pumped up in my hands and put him down on the bed and walked away. I controlled myself through logic. He was a tiny baby and very hungry. He is here today in fine fettle with a gang of his own! And I am so lucky that I do not have to carry the guilt that could have been around with me forever either. Shaking Babies, and abusing babies was already for me at 16, alien & abhorant! This little incident however, made me very aware of how easy it is to start losing control and how some parents who have little knowledge and no resources, could end up doing something that could, potentially, have devastating effects on their lives and the life of their child.

There is also the problem of the abused causing abuse, as some formerly abused children become parents themselves and have never grasped the concept of love and empathy. Of course not all formerly abused children become abusive parents and not all abusive parents were abused. And then there are thoe who come from quite priviliged backgrounds who still end up abusing children and Shaking Babys. There is no simple answer to this other than to say that we are all individuals and some of us maybe more or less sensitive than others. Never the less there is still no room or good enough excuse for Shaking Babies and causing the massive amount of physical injuries associated with Shaken baby syndrome. These include swelling of the brain, bleeding in the brain, brain tissue damage and bruising of the brain. All of which are potentially fatal. Survivors may suffer all sorts of problems caused by injury to the brain such as hearing problems, speech, memory and attention deficit to name but a few.

This is reason enough to make todays parents aware that they have to deliver their children, boys and girls, to the world as fully functioning, resourceful, educated, sympathetic, caring young adults. To send them fully kitted with experience of housework, cooking, caring for babies, older people and young children, of play and work. All that takes a lot of dedication, hard work, tough love and gentle empathetic love. Dont forget, loads of fun too!!

To prevent Shaking Babies all parents should be given an insight into what it takes to be a parent of any age for the first time. To give them an idea of how much and how often babies can and do cry and the reasons why. A crying baby does not make a failed parent. Seek out all the most reasonable reasons as to why baby is crying. Feel it's clothes for dampness, check the nappy, if it has poo in it, the child is going to cry and the same goes for a wet nappy. Note feeding times, and how much the baby is taking in, is it too little or is he/she growing and needs a little more. (Check with the clinic or any knowledgeable person if you do not have a clinic that is close enough. Babies need to be weighed regularly to make sure that they are growing at the right rate.) Single parents should look for backup wherever they can and take to doing some form of exercise before the baby arrives that gives them the rescources to stay calm and level headed. Never go out without all the seemingly enormous piles of paraphanalia that it takes to keep baby comfortable, warm and fed. What may seem like a load of 'crap' at the time could be the life saver,even if it is just your nerves! Don't ever leave your baby with anyone that is not capable of looking after your child and never leave them without all the aforementioned paraphanalia, especially not without food and your phone number. Always check in if you are gone for more than an hour. Always remember that babies do not cry for no good reason even if that reason is you, holding too tight or rocking too hard or carrying him/her around too much. If you need to take a breath, put the baby safely in the cot and walk away for five minutes. Take 9 slow deep breaths in, and 9 long breaths out, x 9 times,(Barefoot Doctor relaxation technique)and then go check again for good reasons as to why baby is crying. If possible call someone with a good head on their shoulders for advice or help. There is never a good reason for Shaking Babies. If your child won't stop crying and there is nothing that you can find that is obviously wrong then take the baby to the doctor!

Shaking babies for just five seconds can do an awful lot of damage!! Young babies have no developed muscle structure in their necks to hold their little heads steady against such a force.

Most parents have some family members who love to help out and have experience to pass on, whether it is their mothers or fathers even gran, grandad or aunts, uncles and cousins. Use their knowledge but don't abuse their goodwill or you might find yourself outside the circle and it is always best to have the resource of the whole famdamily gang!

Praises to my wonderful mother-in-law, wise, kind and never judgemental! P.S. Gentle rocking on the knee does not constitute Shaking Babies, but always cup the back of the neck in your hand.

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