Loves Me Not Or Loves Me

This problem and the anxiety it causes is at least doubled when it affects one of our gang in their early teens. These are the years when youngsters from around twelve and up are begining to realise their own sexuality and attraction quotient for members of the opposite sex. The signals and messages of like and dislike can be very confusing! The more immature the teen the more likely it is that interpretations of these signals may be taken up in the wrong way. Young males may for instance tell a girl that they secretely like, to "go away," and often not so politely. This curt command maybe issued to protect the male self from being teased by his gang or it may be issued due to a real dislike, or a simple lack of attraction. Some young girls do this too, but more often than not the girl, if she really likes the guy will give him a quick smile and endeavour to always be within earshot and visible even when she is playing hard to get. Unravelling these Loves me, Loves Me Not messages takes a more mature mind like, mom or an older sister. Dads and older brothers who due to their understanding of the male psyche, may well be better placed at helping the girls through this tricky minefield of bluffs and double bluffs! Teen boys may also find more truth about attraction messages by asking their older sisters and moms as they too know most of the female wiles! (See my tips below)

Children who are never told that they are handsome or pretty by parents who quite happily point out other kids that are pretty or handsome, leaves an underlying message of their being, 'not pretty', 'not handsome' and worst of all Not Worthy!

All of these children are especially vulnerable to wrong interpretations of love messages and Loves Me Not, messages.

By the same token telling children that they are wonderful no matter what they do. Or rewarding children for bad behaviour, lying about their talents and raising them to believe that all love is unconditional expressly for them and no-one else, leaves them and the people they love as vulnerable to misinterpretation of love messages, as the kids who don't know that they are loved.

For the 11-13yr olds, guys that fancy you are most likely to do any of these things:

send paper aeroplanes, paper balls, in fact any sort of missile your way in class;

tug pony tails and pig tails;

get their mates to text messages and questions to friends of the girl they fancy; 'accidentally' bump you in the corridors, or your desk to get your attention; ( a real accidental bump is recognisable by the way they react, a mumbled appology or no appology at all as they hurry on their way is really accidental. A bump followed by a smile is usually intentional).

They usually ask your friends or friend about you.

Girls around this age will:

Try to hang around in the same area as the person they fancy;

attract attention by loud laughter;

keep taking quick looks at the person they fancy;

girls also use the accidental bump;

get their girlfriends to text messages and questions to the boy they fancy.

Use light teasing language to get attention.

Any of these acts when followed by a smile that is genuine are attention seeking. (in a good way)Any of these acts that are overly brutal and followed by sarcasm or lack of a smile is 'Loves Me Not'.

From year 14 and up, things begin to get a bit more complicated. Bodies and shapes play a more important role in the game of Loves me, Loves Me Not. Boys are pumped up with testosterone and feeling really moody and horny. They want to fit into the group they hang with and be seen to be a righteous member of that group. Who they hang with and what that group is about, is usually evident in their overall behaviour. Boy groups who demean girls with the language they use and the actions they take, such as name calling, pushing girls and bumping them hard enough to make them fall over, tend to be disrespectful of girls in general,even of girls they like! Their intention is usually to look tough and hopefully cool enough to get laid as soon as possible. They will sleep with the girls they say they hate and push around in school or in public. And whilst they sleep with these unfortunate girls they are still trying to get the girl who they believe is most popular, or the one they feel is the hottest. So for guys, does having sex say 'Loves Me' or 'Loves Me Not?' Unfortunately girls, the younger the guy, the more likely that it really means, 'Lust you'! The guys that really fancy you are the ones who like talking to you, don't pressurise sex, want to be seen in public with you, take care of you at parties and brings you home on time. Any guy that double dates or plans his dates where there is only the two of you in a secluded area is more interested in himself than you girls!
There are some 'tells' that really indicate 'Loves Me' for all ages. Such tells are usually quite subtle. They are in the remembering, such as favourite things, colours, smells, foods and sweets, favourite books, places, weather, music, material etc. They also lie in the sharing of common interests, likes, dislikes and in the caring. Such as whether their special friend is cold, uncomfortable, feeling ill, and then doing the right thing to correct the situation. All these things underpin who we are and if someone remembers these things or even a third of them and ties them up in words, actions, gifts and respect, then we know that we have 'Loves Me', and not, 'Loves me not'! If someone cannot take the time to find out what it is we like, enjoy or are interested in, but has the time to ramble on for hours about the things they like and believe in, then they patently do not have love to share. As my daughter would say if the conversation revolves around 'I' all the time then clearly that person is either an optometrist or should become one!

Faking interest is doomed to failure because pretending that we have an interest in something for the sake of someone we are interested in cannot last. Yes all humans are actors but even actors leave the stage to go home. Faking interest in something small may not get too unbearable, but faking it in major impact areas of life, is simply not sustainable. The cat will get out of the bag, usually around about the time you have your first big arguement and the things you love and thought he/she loved, go flying out the window along with your behind and your pride! Or the thought of sticking your head in a plastic bag pops up in your mind everytime he/she starts rabbiting on about their cats, dogs, train collections or anything else you lied about sharing a keen interest in.

If attraction is centred around body and looks alone it will not last, we are more than our bodies and looks. We have the ability to charm brick walls up, with our Intelliegence, personalities, kindness, humour, genuine interest, hospitality, and honesty in friendship and workmanship.

Kids who are helped to find all these things within themselves through the help of parents, teachers, activities and mentors stand a much better chance of not falling for people that 'Loves Me Not', because they will know themselves and what they want, better than those still trying to find themselves.

The last and most important 'tell' of whether he/she Loves Me Not is that of any type of violence or abuse. Violence and mental abuse tell of a person who is interested in having someone they kind of like, as an obedient pet. And if they can just get that person to listen to them only and do things their way only, dress in such a way only, hurry up only, get them to shut-up only, stop blubbering only, then things will be just dandy, FOR THEM. This type of behaviour is not limited to adults alone, some kids who have not had good role models or any role models, start acting out in this way as early as 9 or 10 and some even younger. These people do not love you, they want to get back some control that was lost to them long ago.

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